Even Introverts Can Excel at Networking by Following These Steps

By: Marguerita M. Cheng

The three C's of networking -- Conversation, Connection and Collaboration -- create a context that helps even those most reticent about networking.

Networking builds businesses. It brings in clients and partners and helps businesses grow, but networking can be intimidating and seem overwhelming. I understand that because I'm an introvert. Fortunately, that hasn't prevented me from creating my own network. You don't have to be an extrovert to use social sites, attend networking events or pursue professional opportunities to connect with others. Introverts don't have to be shy.

Debunking networking myths

Networking has a bad rap. People are hindered by awkward networking moments, misconceptions about networking and its benefits, as well as their own self-protective barriers. Here are five networking myths that need to be debunked before you can rewrite your own networking narrative:

1. Networking has not been effective. It's easy to dismiss its benefits when you don't see immediate results from networking. People become discouraged when they don't make any "useful" contacts at an event. What they don't understand is that one meaningful connection can translate into a valuable contact. There might be many people at an event, but the right connection, even if it's not the connection you had anticipated, might prevent you from making a wrong decision or help you accomplish a task that you couldn't have achieved otherwise. Networking might not appear how you expect, but that doesn't mean it's not effective.

2. Networking is only for salespeople. Early in my career, I noticed that people didn't like salespeople. Most everyone has a natural disdain for cold pitches and direct sales. As an introvert, I realized the value expanding my network. Years later, I understand that cold pitches and direct pitches do not constitute networking. You can make connections and conversations without selling anything.

3. Networking wastes time. Networking takes time. That doesn't mean it wastes it. It's an investment of time, and like any investment, it produces over time. Be wise and focused about how you allocate your networking resources, both time and money. Attend events where you're most likely to make the connections that will help your business. If you're a chef, choose events that focus on cooking. If you're a techie, concentrate on forums relevant to your niche. Think about the kind of connections you'd like to make and be strategic about finding the networking opportunities that will provide the most value for your time.

4. I cannot be a good networker. This is where most introverts bog themselves down. Networking doesn't feel natural. We shield ourselves from socially awkward situations by creating a protective barrier of dismissal. If networking is just "not your thing," you can justify retreating into your cocoon by dismissing it as over-rated and irrelevant. The problem is that networking is neither over-rated or irrelevant. Not even for introverts.

5. Networking is a dirty business. Some people associate networking with schmoozing and moving up the political or corporate ladder. They prefer to take the moral high ground and avoid networking for professional gain. In Networking Is a Dirty Business, Maryam Kouchaki, assistant professor of management and organization at Kellogg School of Management, uses research to show how people who associate networking with greed and selfish ambition tend to see it as a moral contaminate. They avoid it like the plague. The truth is that networking isn't schmoozing. Good business is reciprocal, and networking facilitates good business.

The "three C's" that change the networking narrative

The three C's of networking -- Conversation, Connection and Collaboration -- create a context that helps even those most reticent about networking move past these myths and into networking relationships that open opportunities and grow their business.

Conversation

Be ready to engage. Look professional, dress appropriately for the event and relax. You are not schmoozing. Smile and be approachable. A friendly, confident demeanor is attractive. Non-verbal communication is a pre-cursor to verbal communication so make sure you're not sitting in a dark corner or hiding behind your drink with your shoulders humped into your phone. Eye contact, a smile and a firm but warm handshake are all strong non-verbal cues that invite conversation.

Initiate dialogue with simple, non-personal questions like "who catered the event?" to open the conversation space. Be open, show interest in those you're talking to and offer genuine compliments. Have your 30-second elevator speech ready but deliver it naturally and conversationally. You want to provide compelling information about what you do and be prepared to answer questions, but you also want to listen and engage in a way that facilitates establishing a real human connection.

Connections

Networking events aren't card collecting events. The goal is making personal connections. Developing one quality personal connection trumps collecting a short stack of business cards. In his book Power Relationships: 26 Irrefutable Laws for Building Extraordinary Relationships, Andrew Sobel explains how quality connections always win over quantity. A good connection can translate into a good contact. It pays to be selective. Figure out what connections are most relevant to your passions and talents. Develop a list of a "significant few" professional contacts and nurture those relationships by contacting them regularly. Create a secondary list of those you might contact in the future. Then, add all of your connections to your social network and look for ways to engage them on an ongoing basis.

Make emotional connections. Ask questions that invoke thought. Mark Zuckerberg states that you should learn to start where you are. Whether imagined or real, believe that people like you and the world is ready to receive you. Part of making connections is helping people. When you meet people, pay attention to what they say to see if they have a problem you can help solve. Always be generous and willing to help.

Collaboration

Collaboration is a human dynamic that even introverts can take part in. Networking is collaborative. People need your help, and you need theirs. Don't be afraid to offer that help or shy about asking for a favor. You can help people, and they can help you. Leave your comfort zone. Be willing to mix and listen, and to introduce yourself and ask questions. Relationships and careers are built through collaboration.

Collaboration means working with people and organizations. Concentrate on building a network that adds value to your organization and enables you to improve and grow your reputation. Establish networks both with individuals and organizations, so you can maintain a connection with an organization even after individual connections leave a company. Collaboration expands your personal network.

Networking is human, and introvert or extrovert, we're all human. It allows us to help each other, work together and grow along the way by conversing and connecting and collaborating. An old African proverb says it best: "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others." Networking helps us get where we need to go… together.

This article originally appeared on Entrepreneur.com.


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Marguerita M. Cheng is the Chief Executive Officer at Blue Ocean Global Wealth. Prior to co-founding Blue Ocean Global Wealth, she was a Financial Advisor at Ameriprise Financial and an Analyst and Editor at Towa Securities in Tokyo, Japan. She is a CFP® professional, a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor℠, a Retirement Income Certified Professional® and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.

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Marguerita M. Cheng

Marguerita M. Cheng is the Chief Executive Officer at Blue Ocean Global Wealth. Prior to co-founding Blue Ocean Global Wealth, she was a Financial Advisor at Ameriprise Financial and an Analyst and Editor at Towa Securities in Tokyo, Japan. Marguerita is a past spokesperson for the AARP Financial Freedom Campaign and a regular columnist for Investopedia & Kiplinger. She is a CFP® professional, a Chartered Retirement Planning CounselorSM, a Retirement Income Certified Professional® and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. As a Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards (CFP Board) Ambassador, Marguerita helps educate the public, policy makers, and media about the benefits of competent, ethical financial planning. She serves as a Women’s Initiative (WIN) Advocate and subject matter expert for CFP Board, contributing to the development of examination questions for the CFP® Certification Examination. Marguerita also volunteers for CFP Board Disciplinary and Ethics Commission (DEC) hearings. She served on the Financial Planning Association (FPA) National Board of Directors from 2013 – 2015 and is a past president of the Financial Planning Association of the National Capital Area (FPA NCA) 


Rita is a recipient of the Ameriprise Financial Presidential Award for Quality of Advice and the prestigious Japanese Monbukagakusho Scholarship. In 2017, she was named the #3 Most Influential Financial Advisor in the Investopedia Top 100, a Woman to Watch by InvestmentNews, and a Top 100 Minority Business Enterprise (MBE®) by the Capital Region Minority Supplier Development Council (CRMSDC).


Marguerita’s mantra is “So many people spend their health to gain wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health” (A.J. Reb Materi).

Finding Happiness at Work

By: Laura Berger

The Proven Science of How to Enjoy Your Job

In True Grit, Grace, and Gratitude, I used the term “happy hour” as a constructive and necessary analogy, but I do have a good bit of aversion toward the expression. Why does an hour we reserve to be happy have to be after work? I also have tepid excitement for the sayings “Work hard, play hard,” and “All work and no play makes Jack a Dull Boy” because the masses interpret them as having work and play happening at two different times.

My approach to executive coaching is multi-faceted and situation-based, but my greatest mission is to blur the lines between employment and enjoyment. My view of the optimal workspace to which leaders should aspire is one where leaders create, in themselves and their employees, a pervading feeling of drive, purpose, camaraderie, and comfort. Now let’s match the facets of that statement with the brain science behind the human state of happiness.

The article “Hacking Into Your Happy Chemicals“ by fellow Huffington Post columnist, Thai Nguyen of theutopianlife.com, sums it up beautifully, identifying the four primary brain chemicals secreted during happiness:

  • Dopamine – Creates motivation. Exposure also produces an addiction to winning.

  • Serotonin – Creates feelings of significance. People with high levels also manifest greater logic.

  • Oxytocin – Creates togetherness. Environments promoting oxytocin are also marked by strong teams.

  • Endorphins – Alleviate anxiety and depression. People with endorphin surges are also ambitious and perseverant.

Take a moment to see how well the bolded words map to my statement of the optimal workplace.

So what levers can we pull to promote happiness? And how do these techniques specifically map to the brain chemistry that makes you and your teams go to work with a big glorious smile?

1. Turn your work into a game

Da Big Kahuna here is Dopamine. Take it from fellow Psychology Today blogger David J. Linden, Ph.D., who showed that the interaction of challenge and success inherent in video games leads to the secretion of great amounts of dopamine, (a.k.a. the pleasure circuit). Dopamine also addictive, achievement begets a further desire to achieve. Just this week, I received an email from a client with whom I had devised a game called “Listen All the Way.” My interviews with work colleagues revealed her habit of interrupting, leading her to decisions based on incomplete information. Having played the game, she reported, “I realize we are often not aligned … and it turned out that their solutions are often better than mine.” She is surprised that her direct reports might have better solutions than hers because she at times forced her own solutions through interruptions. Through the game and a trickle of dopamine, she spontaneously gives herself room to empower her employees to empower her. By the way, when her employee is acknowledged for the solution, that serotonin release creates approval leading to a spontaneous ambition to achieve more, and when the team implements the joint solution, Oxytocin creates a feeling of togetherness. We find these chemicals appear together time and again.

2. Bring laughter to work

There are so many essential benefits that comedy troupes such as Darren Held’s Held2gether Improv for Life have brought forth in training the likes of Google, PepsiCo, MetLife, McKinsey, American Express, DuPont, Ford, and Procter & Gamble. One is that laughter is one of the most effective triggers of endorphins. Many people will dread two hours of continuous work. Put them in a comedy club with an ambitious comic who is slaying the room for the same amount of time, and they’ll fret when it’s over. The primary difference is that endorphins are being secreted, (a.k.a. the second wind chemical). Endorphins, also addictive, give you sudden bursts of energy and a desire to persevere with a task, even through massive amounts of discomfort. This explains how “runners high” is spawned from such an excruciating activity. Too many years ago, I was on a massive enterprise-wide project that was failing badly—until someone kidnapped our project mascot, a doll, and began sending pictures of it in various sordid situations and with injuries. The kidnapper laid out a menu of misfortunes that would befall the mascot as each future milestone was missed. The team found the charade hilarious, shaped up, worked together, and snapped back on track with the milestones with startling efficiency. Incidentally, see serotonin and oxytocin above.

3. Communicate clearly with employees, bring them together, and reward them

How cliché can I get? Well when science proves something out, it should be shouted from the rooftops beyond facial blueness. In everyday life, when we receive hugs and gifts, oxytocin brings us a feeling of togetherness and trust, leading to happiness and stronger relationships and teamwork. Organizations that communicate effectively and reward when clear goals are met have been clinically proven to achieve the same results for employees, bolstered by the research of fellow Psychology Today blogger Paul J. Zak. What’s more, I often encounter personnel of large corporations who meet global service days—where teams take time off to work at community sites—with hints of cynicism, feeling they and the less fortunate are being exploited by the company to enhance its brand. If they dug a bit deeper, however, they’d also find that when properly positioned and organized, these days could just as easily be named global oxytocin days, and their companies might actually be interested in their engagement and happiness as well.

I truly hope that understanding how the basic chemistry of happiness can be triggered during work will create greater incentives for today’s most powerful leaders to remove the dividing line between work and play to catapult our nations global economic effectiveness.


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Featured on ABC News, CNBC, Yahoo Finance, Redbook, Self, and the Miami Herald, Laura Berger is a certified executive coach and co-founder of the Berdeo Group. Her clients include leaders at JP Morgan Chase, The Walt Disney World Company, Financial Solutions Advisory Group, and Big Brothers Big Sisters. She is the co-author of two books: Fall in Love Again Every Day and Radical Sabbatical.

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Laura Berger

Featured on ABC News, in CNBC, Yahoo Finance, and in Redbook, Self, and the Miami Herald, Laura Berger is a certified executive coach and co-founder of the Berdéo Group. She has counseled leaders for 15 years, maximizing their potential in the areas of Evidence based leadership, global operations management, and strategic change management. Her clients include leaders at JP Morgan Chase, Leo Burnett Worldwide, American Hospital Association, Starcom MediaVest Group, The Walt Disney World Company, Financial Solutions Advisory Group, World Business Chicago, and Big Brothers Big Sisters. She is an in-demand speaker and co-author of two books: Fall in Love Again Every Day and Radical Sabbatical: Could You Say Goodbye to Everything You Know to Get Everything You Want?.

Time Management Techniques for Work-Life Integration

By: Laura Berger

Credit: Pexels

Credit: Pexels

Despite all the talk and best efforts, work-life balance remains elusive for many professionals. The generic advice about how to structure our time fails to account for each individual’s income requirements, career goals and personal values. When you fall short of “having it all” -- the successful career, the storybook family life, the active gym membership, the eight hours of sleep -- the outcome is guilt, stress and shame. In a nutshell, these emotions only hinder growth.

No one can be in two places at once. Expending effort in one area of life causes guilt in another. Long hours at work, for example, can result in a cycle of negative self-talk: “I’m letting my family down by staying at the office so late.” Conversely, leaving work early to join a child’s field trip can cause thoughts like, “I have so much to do at work. I really shouldn’t be here.” These statements only add more guilt and shame, and the vicious cycle continues.

Fortunately, it is possible to have a successful career and live in accordance with your values. The key is to understand what works for you. You can also shift your approach, maybe embracing the term “work-life integration.” Just making that subtle pivot in language will help.

The Tool

Start this integration by identifying where you would really like to focus your energy.

You can use an energy chart, similar to the one below, to provide a fantastic visual representation of where you are now and where you want to be. The energy chart allocates how much energy you spend in each of your “essential roles.” Create your own chart by first calculating your total daily waking hours.

Next, over the course of a week, record how much time you spend on each intrinsically fulfilling activity daily, both as time and a percentage. For example, if you spend 10% of your time exercising, you would assign “10” as your energy allocation for that activity. You can also include activities that you’d like to incorporate into your life. If you would like to start meditating, for example, assign it “0” since you currently spend 0% of your energy on meditation.

Typically, clients will include eight to 10 activities, but there is no right number. For your chart key, create color-coded rectangles for each activity.\

Courtesy Berdeo Group

Courtesy Berdeo Group

Now map out how you wish to spend your time. Being a visual creature, having a chart of what you value makes it far easier to stay accountable to your goals. Having your current and future life charts side-by-side will show you whether you are living in alignment with your core. This may just be the motivation you need to kick start your journey.

Courtesy Berdeo Group

Courtesy Berdeo Group

Courtesy Berdeo Group

Courtesy Berdeo Group

Taking Action

With a mechanism in place, it’s now time to start acting toward your goals. Begin by figuring out how you might be able to get back more time for yourself. Some, for example, choose to wake up 30 minutes earlier to fit in something they love, whether meditating, walking the dog or journaling.

Next, look at how you are “wasting” your waking hours. How much time do you spend scrolling social media or browsing the internet? In front of the TV or shopping? You might be surprised at how quickly these numbers add up. Twenty minutes per day on social media is 2.3 hours per week. Ask yourself if this time would be better spent on any of the essential roles in your future energy chart.

Next, evaluate how you can strategically shift your schedule. Say, for example, you currently do laundry after your kids go to bed. Could you do laundry when they are doing homework instead and use the time after they’re in bed to treat yourself to an at-home yoga session or a nice bath? Of course, routines are powerful. Be determined to approach this from a flexible perspective.

Then identify the barriers preventing you from doing what you love. If you find yourself overloaded with work, for example, delegate more. If you find that housework falls entirely on you, talk to your family and provide specific ways they can help. Ultimately, if you spot an unfair “time-suck” in any aspect of your life, don’t be afraid to speak up about it.

Now ensure you are allocating your newfound time toward the activities you identified in your future energy chart. If you’ve made time to exercise, for example, set a goal, whether that’s running a 5K or going to the gym three times per week. Think about ways to help you stay accountable to that goal. Maybe find a gym buddy or track your progress in a notebook or in an app. Think creatively about how you can optimize every second of the time you find for yourself. After all, time is finite -- it's truly your most precious resource.

Lastly, treat your energy chart as a living document. Make a note to come back to it periodically to ensure you’re on track. As you make progress, your current energy chart will evolve, and the preferences on your future chart will likely change, too. Alas, all change requires some type of tool or method. In this case, a little rigor will create much happiness, lower stress and maybe even increase longevity. Go forth and see how worthwhile it really is.

This article originally appeared on www.forbes.com


Berger-Laura-savvy-ladies-blog-author.png

Featured on ABC News, CNBC, Yahoo Finance, Redbook, Self, and the Miami Herald, Laura Berger is a certified executive coach and co-founder of the Berdeo Group. Her clients include leaders at JP Morgan Chase, The Walt Disney World Company, Financial Solutions Advisory Group, and Big Brothers Big Sisters. She is the co-author of two books: Fall in Love Again Every Day and Radical Sabbatical.

Comment

Laura Berger

Featured on ABC News, in CNBC, Yahoo Finance, and in Redbook, Self, and the Miami Herald, Laura Berger is a certified executive coach and co-founder of the Berdéo Group. She has counseled leaders for 15 years, maximizing their potential in the areas of Evidence based leadership, global operations management, and strategic change management. Her clients include leaders at JP Morgan Chase, Leo Burnett Worldwide, American Hospital Association, Starcom MediaVest Group, The Walt Disney World Company, Financial Solutions Advisory Group, World Business Chicago, and Big Brothers Big Sisters. She is an in-demand speaker and co-author of two books: Fall in Love Again Every Day and Radical Sabbatical: Could You Say Goodbye to Everything You Know to Get Everything You Want?.

How 'Nice-Lady' Negotiating Saved Me $4,300 in a Year

By: Jill Beirne Davi

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After a recent hospital stay, I opened one of dozens of health care-related bills and found one for $21.47 for the TV and phone in my hospital room. I never used the phone. I never used the TV. Yet here was this bill — one that my health insurance would not be covering — telling me I owed money for a service I never used.

Now most people would get on the phone right away to dispute this error, but I hesitated. As an agreeable people-pleaser, calling to disagree felt scary. Deep down, I was terrified of the word ‘no’ — both hearing and saying it.

I’d think: It’s hopeless anyway; they’re just going to tell me I have to pay. And then I’d rationalize not calling by telling myself it was “only $20,” or whatever the bill amount was. If the bill in question was higher, sometimes I just wouldn’t even pay it.

Every once in a while, I’d get up the confidence to call. But at the first sign of disagreement, I’d panic and hang up — and then send in the payment.

As my financial life became more complex with a mortgage and two kids, I realized my shut-up-and-pay (or not pay) strategy couldn’t continue. Those smaller charges were adding up. And the larger ones I ignored were hurting my credit when those bills went to collection. I knew I needed to find another way.

Inspiration came in the form of my two-year-old daughter negotiating over school clothes. I realized she was a pro in this delicate art form: pleasant, curious and dogged in the pursuit of her own happiness, despite hearing several "no’s" from her mama. I could learn a thing or two.

And then it hit me: Instead of perceiving the person on the other end of the phone as an enemy, I would approach them as a collaborator — someone who could answer my questions and help me get what I wanted.

So, back to the hospital bill.

Calling with no plan was the old Jill. This time, I took 10 minutes and did my research. I called the insurance company first. Then I wrote down exactly what I wanted the outcome to be. Finally, I wrote down in big letters, “What if they say no?” and scribbled some thoughts about what I’d say next.

Prepared, I picked up the phone and pleasantly introduced myself. The man on the other end sounded like he’d had a long day. I detected annoyance. Bad start, but I forged ahead. After calmly explaining my situation, I asked how I should proceed. He reminded me that my insurance didn’t cover this and explained it was a separate service.

I paused. This is normally when I’d agree and hang up. I looked at my notes and asked a question instead: “I don’t remember signing up for these services. Would you be able to send me a copy of the document I signed that said I authorized those charges?”

“Ma’am,” he replied,” you are automatically enrolled in the services and should have received a document in the hospital for you to sign if you wanted to opt out.”

Bingo! This new information gave me just the leverage I needed. I explained: “I never received paperwork to opt out. I was never given the opportunity to decline these services. What should I do next?”

He responded, in a huff, “Ma’am, did you use the TV or phone in your room or not?”

“I did not,” I calmly replied, ignoring his tone.

There was a long pause, during which I made sure to stay quiet. He came back and agreed to give me a one-time credit for the bill.

I thanked him, hung up and broke out in a happy dance. I couldn't believe it! The amount was irrelevant; this was a breakthrough moment. Since then, I’ve gone from timid bill accepter to expert nice-lady negotiator. In the past year alone I saved over $4,300 in fees, discounts, health insurance copays and incorrect charges by having the courage to get on the phone and negotiate. Want to do the same? Here are my tips for getting the outcome you want:

Have a written plan. If you usually get flustered on the phone, don’t wing it — be prepared. Before each call, write down the exact outcome you’re seeking and how you hope to get there, including possible roadblocks and how you can get around them. It’s important to have something (anything!) to say when your emotions get rattled.

Get your facts straight. Knowledge is power in this situation, so keep all documentation of bills sent to you, have specific dates ready and always read the fine print on any policies so you can speak intelligently and confidently on the phone.

Ask open-ended questions. Before a call, write down 10 questions you could ask the person on the phone. This can help move the conversation forward when you may otherwise feel stuck.

Be neutral and pleasant in your tone. If you’re angry or upset about a bill, give yourself some time to calm down before reaching for the phone. I used to think I had to turn into a jerk to get my way, but in my experience I’ve found the exact opposite to be true. Being pleasant, making a connection or even cracking a joke can help grease the wheels between you and the rep.

Have a plan for a no. Instead of fearing an initial "no," learn to embrace it. Don’t be discouraged — just keep asking questions until you can find a creative way around it.

This article originally appeared on https://www.learnvest.com/2017/05/how-nice-lady-negotiating-saved-me-4300-in-a-year


jill beirne davis.jpg

Jill Beirne Davi is the founder of Abundant Finances, a service that helps you get yourself out of debt and start amassing abundant savings in record time (without deprivation or eating cat food for dinner). For more helpful money strategies to turn your finances around, visit abundantfinances.com. 

I used to let people walk all over me at work — until I learned how I could use my niceness to my advantage

By: Jill Beirne Davi

'Niceness' can be a helpful tool in a negotiation.  Strelka Institute/Flickr/Attribution License

'Niceness' can be a helpful tool in a negotiation. Strelka Institute/Flickr/Attribution License

Nice people can find it challenging to successfully negotiate a business deal.

For 'nice' people who tend to let others take advantage of them, it is essential to prepare for negotiations.

Using 'nice' qualities can actually be helpful: By behaving pleasantly and positively, your opposition is more likely to soften and follow your lead.

For us sensitive, "too-nice" types, negotiation can be a nasty word.

At least for me, it was.

Sure I talked a good game, but when it really came down to negotiation on my own behalf for what I wanted, I possessed a terrible habit of rolling over and letting the other party win. My ears burned hot red at the hint of confrontation. Even though it was "just business," negotiation always felt personal. I didn't want to anger anyone and I believed pushing back meant I'd ruin the relationship.

But you can't go through life, letting people take advantage of you. Especially when you run your own business. As business owner and consultant, I knew I needed new tools to help me deal with the uncomfortable scenarios all business owners eventually face:

Situations like:

What to do when a client is late on payments?

What to do when a client wants to change the terms of the contract?

How to ask for better terms from vendors?

Things are going well in a conversation with a potential client — until you start talking about your fee. What do you next do to seal the deal when things are feeling tense? What to do when a client won't take the suggestions you know they need to be successful?

I've learned from running my own business that negotiation is an essential skill I needed in order to survive. So, I devoured everything I could on the subject (even the out-of-print, hard to find books) and started practicing on low-stakes events.

My first real win had nothing to do with business, but it was great practice. It came when it was time to order my daughter's birth certificate. I called the government office and they told me to send $25 in cash (!) with a pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelope. Once received, they'd send me a copy. I followed the directions to the letter.

3 weeks, no certificate.

So I called again. The woman told me they received my request and sent it out already. When I told her I hadn't received it, she said my only option was to re-send the money and try again. I hung up the phone and instantly realized: I could get angry, I could roll over and send the money, or I could negotiate. I decided to do some prep work, call her back and negotiate. In the end, she sent me a new certificate free of charge, (happily I might add).

After that small win, I was hooked and reached for higher stakes. I raised my consulting fees, negotiated with vendors (saving myself over $4300 in just three months), and started landing new clients reaching out to cold contacts using my new found negotiation skills.

Here's how I did it

This is the exact 5 step blueprint I use now before entering into any negotiation — without being aggressive or rude.

1.      You must realize you're in a negotiation. This is the hardest part, in my opinion. If you don't know you're negotiating, you will start to take things personally.

2.     Have a written plan before you begin the negotiation. Don't wing it! Be prepared. Before each interaction, write down the exact outcome you're seeking. If you're a sensitive or naturally agreeable person, it's important to have something (anything!) to say in response when your emotions get rattled.

3.     Ask open-ended questions. Some people, like me, were raised not to ask questions which makes this step seem impolite. However, questions are the only way to unlock the information that can help you get what you want. Before a negotiation, write ten questions you could ask the person on the phone. This will help move the conversation forward in case your emotions rattle you.

4.     Be neutral and pleasant in your tone. If you're angry or upset, give yourself some time to calm down before reaching for the phone. I used to think that if I was calling to negotiate I had to turn into a jerk to get my way. But in my experience, I've found the exact opposite to be true. Being pleasant, making a connection even cracking a joke or two can help grease the wheels between you and the person on the other end, helping you to get what you want.

5.     Have a plan for a no. In America, we're a nation of no-a-phobes. We hate the word and will do nearly anything to avoid it. But if you embrace it, and prepare for it in advance, you will be able to find a creative way around it.

Follow these five steps and you'll be able to negotiate better and still be "nice."

This article originally appeared on http://www.businessinsider.com/nice-people-tips-for-negotiation-2018-4


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Jill Beirne Davi is the founder of Abundant Finances, a service that helps you get yourself out of debt and start amassing abundant savings in record time (without deprivation or eating cat food for dinner). For more helpful money strategies to turn your finances around, visit abundantfinances.com. 

Want To Crisis-Proof Your Managers? Start With Your Relationship

By: Raleigh Mayer

"I was wrong."

"Thank you."

"I need your help."

How often do you hear (or say) those words at work?

As a manager, you are expected to have full command of technical abilities, operational expertise and strategic goal-setting. But are you equally skilled at and invested in, connecting with, motivating and appreciating your reports?

Your team is directly affected by you — how motivated, fulfilled and functional they are and whether or not they like you (yes, likability is a leadership quality and a major aspect of persuasion and influence).

When your emerging executives (because that is how junior reports think of themselves and how you should think of them) dislike, distrust or basically don't respect you, all leadership is lost. And when trust and respect are absent, disdain and dissatisfaction set in, and you may not hear about it until you are told by top management or human resources, which are the people employees go to when they don't feel they can bring their unhappiness to you.

As you might imagine, that scenario is painful, public, career-threatening and more and more common as newer professionals become more assertive and outspoken with their ambitions and expectations.

New professionals have their own criteria for success and satisfaction in the workplace and while some of those expectations may seem excessive or presumptuous (thus earning millennials the "entitlement" label), those desires and preferences actually provide management with a leadership opportunity. Interestingly, these assumptions/preferences are not necessarily new: Younger employees have always tended to be ambitious, smart and eager for opportunity, authority and promotion. However, much of that career hunger, when it went unsatisfied, was accepted. Junior professionals swallowed their impatience and tolerated the wait for longer-term gratification because that is how previous generations were raised: to obey the rules of the game.

But the difference that affects the workplace now is that most newer hires were raised differently, with more consumer goods, entertainment and information platforms and, yes, praise available to them. No wonder they expect swift reward!

For instance, consider these typical psychological requirements particular to the recently arrived talent pool:

• Needing to know not just what to do and how, but why

• Wanting to make a contribution and participate in choosing solutions

• Desiring frequent, honest and supportive feedback

So what does it take to crisis-proof a manager? How can you effectively supervise and develop — or guide a newly promoted manager to effectively supervise and develop — employees who are are anxious to do well for themselves and the organization, but may be unused to or disinclined to simply follow direction and execute tasks? 

Usually, it's by a shift from hierarchical, authoritarian style of direction to a more collaborative, partnered approach. Collaborative leadership not only serves to better engage individual team members but also demonstrates to the entire group respect and recognition of different viewpoints and solutions. Employees who feel that they are listened to, taken seriously and valued for their knowledge will feel safer, more comfortable and more confident in bringing questions, concerns and even criticism to their own supervisor rather than a third party. And that type of open, honest and direct communication is the key to crisis-proofing the relationship.

A successful manager also recognizes that when giving the team assignments, he or she should always provide a rationale and context for an assignment, both to make the work more meaningful and to open the door to additional input. Because "even the smartest person in the room doesn't always have the best ideas," according to Amy C. Edmondson, author of Teaming.

Leaders should also invite, encourage and welcome the presentation of all ideas, recommendations and criticisms and give due consideration — and when merited, approval — to those proposals.

And, to borrow from the academic environment, which many of these young adults have just left, remember that comments from a professor are often just as (if not more) appreciated than the grade itself. Students (and employees) want to know what they’ve done well, where they haven’t succeeded and how to do better.

Finally, keep in mind that all interaction and communication is personal: You, not just your role or function, are being judged every day, and those judgments matter.

Retention, performance and, just as importantly, morale, depend on the tone you set.

The antidote to crisis management is relationship management. A leader who understands, anticipates and responds to their team's ambitions and appetites for opportunity may also be contacted by human resources to share their method for success.


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Known as the "Gravitas Guru", Mayer is currently a senior fellow at the Logos Institute for Crisis Management and executive leadership, a leadership lecturer at New York University and Barnard College, and on the leadership council of the Financial Women's Association. 

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Raleigh Mayer

Raleigh Mayer, known as the “Gravitas Guru”, is an executive development consultant, coach, and speaker, specializing in presentation, communication, and leadership, including programs designed specifically for the career acceleration of female executives. Formerly a vice president and spokesperson for the New York City Marathon, Raleigh has coached and trained executive clients for more than a decade and serves a wide variety of Fortune 500 companies.  She is currently a senior fellow at the Logos Institute for Crisis Management and Executive Leadership, a leadership lecturer at New York University and Barnard College, and on the leadership council of the Financial Women’s Association.

Downsizing in Retirement

By: Allison Pearson

Do you and your partner share the same goals & expectations for the future throughout your changing life phases?

My son recently headed off to college. It was an important life transition, not just for my son, but for me and my husband as well. Seeing our child move out of the house and start a new phase of his life inspired us to evaluate our outlook for retirement – or, more accurately, how we would approach our next stage of life and how we envisioned living it.

The notion that the traditional definition of retirement is changing is no longer a revelation. It’s not even a remotely provocative concept these days.

We've all seen the headlines about how people are working longer because they're living longer, or simply because they want to remain active, engaged and productive. I'm personally very much on board with this – I plan to continue working into my "retirement" years, although not necessarily in the same capacity as what I'm doing now, or on the same full-time schedule.

In other words, I plan to downsize my career to some extent when I reach that point when I feel ready to shift some of my focus to other life goals, activities and interests. I think that's what I look forward to most in retirement, and how I define this next stage of life for me: It's a time to focus on whatever you choose to focus on, so long as you're able to maintain the lifestyle you're comfortable with financially.

"Our careers have always been the center point of our conversations about retirement, but now we are starting to consider other aspects of our plans for how we'll live in the future."

My husband and I are both in agreement that, barring any physical limitations as we get older, we intend to continue working, contributing and generally remaining active for as long as possible. Our careers have always been the center point of our conversations about retirement, but now we are starting to consider other aspects of our plans for how we'll live in the future. In other words, we're trying to develop a common vision of retirement that is both fulfilling and financially viable.

Where to Live in Retirement – The Housing Dilemma

The concept of downsizing is typically used in context with housing, of course. And as I look toward the future I (somewhat hazily) envision for myself and my husband, figuring out what will work best for us in terms of the size, cost and location of the place we call home has become a rather pressing topic. In fact, our initial conversations on the topic were my first indication that my vision of retirement was not entirely aligned with my husband's – at least when it came to housing.

Before I go into how the housing situation exposed this gap in our retirement vision, I'll give some background on the practical aspects of our downsizing dilemma.

Our situation is probably familiar to a lot of people in our stage of life. We realize it would make sense to downsize for a number of reasons – cost chief among them, but also the desire to have a smaller property to maintain. But we're also at the mercy of the ups and downs of the real estate market.

We purchased our current home 15 years ago in the midst of a classic "buyer's market" and were pleased to see it appreciate considerably since the 2008 recession as the location is very favorable and home prices in general have enjoyed a steady climb.

Now that we've reached this point and the housing market is strong, we feel we should consider selling, as it appears we're solidly in a seller's market – but are we? After all, a healthy real estate market means we have a good chance of making a profit on the sale of our current house, but as we peruse listings in the area, I was disheartened to realize that there's no way we'll find another house with a comparable value. Even the smallest houses we'd consider are now going for around what we originally bought our current house for. As it stands, we don't have the opportunity to make a profit on the sale of or current house that we could add to our retirement savings, or even make enough money so that we could have a very small mortgage or eliminate it altogether. That was eye opening!

Of course, I'm not implying that one should consider their house to be a retirement nest egg. The unpredictability of the real estate market makes that idea a very risky bet! But the Catch-22 nature of trying to buy in a seller's market is simply a complicating factor as my husband and I attempt to downsize as one of many aspects of our lives in preparation for retirement.
 

Getting back to the vision side of things, our discussions about downsizing bring to mind a time several years ago when we purchased a property in Utah. It was in a fairly remote, secluded location – more or less rural compared to where we live now.

I had always considered the Utah land to be an investment property, so it took me by surprise when I learned that my husband had always assumed that's where we would live when we retired. I told him that wasn't what I had in mind at all – I envisioned having a smaller, more manageable house but still wanted to be located in a suburban area with easy access to grocery stores and other conveniences.

"You can believe you share the same vision as your partner, when in fact you have very different ideas about what your future needs will be."

We have since sold the Utah property, but it's a good example of how you can believe you share the same vision as your partner, when in fact you have very different ideas about what your future needs will be.

How to Live in Retirement – A Shared Vision

The housing detail – while it's certainly an important one – is nonetheless a relatively tactical decision and I'm confident we'll be able to come up with a compromise that works for both of us. In fact, finding a house that's slightly more off the beaten path than I'd prefer could allow us to find something that's more affordable and gives us the financial lift we’re looking for with the sale of our current house. But we've agreed that we will not rush out and do anything unless it makes good sense. We love our home and views of the mountains and don't want to have to give that up.

Still, the fairly stark contrast between our preferences on this point opened my eyes to the larger, more philosophical question of whether we shared the same vision of retirement. In other words, not just where to live, but how to live.

Perhaps the reason it's so difficult for me and my husband – and for most couples, I assume – to find common ground when it comes to our long-term outlook is because of the uncertainty involved. Strictly from a health perspective, it's very difficult to know what we can expect to be capable of 20 or 30 years from now. It's also a rather scary and unsettling thing to think about, so the natural tendency is to block it out of your mind entirely – you can worry about it later.
 

With so much of our future unknown – and unknowable – how can we ever be sure that we're both moving toward a shared vision of retirement, or of our future together in general? For me and my husband, I think the best solution is to make retirement an ongoing conversation. It's a key piece of our future that should come into play whenever we're discussing finances, career paths, housing decisions, major purchases, and our college-aged son's financial situation and future as well.

I've written about talking with your parents about their retirement and educating your kids about money in my previous columns. And I firmly believe that communication is absolutely critical to financial success and maintaining a healthy relationship with money. It can be a difficult thing to discuss, but having honest, open conversations with your family members can help ensure everyone is better prepared for those important transitions – both expected and unexpected – in our lives.

"I firmly believe that communication is absolutely critical to financial success and maintaining a healthy relationship with money."

Your vision for retirement is a very personal thing. But when you're expecting to share the rest of your life with your partner, you want to make sure your visions are at least somewhat aligned. Keep those lines of communication open, and remember: the future is what you make it, so it pays to remain focused on your goals and prepared for the unexpected.

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Investing involves risk, including possible loss of principal.

Diversification does not assure a profit or protect against loss in a declining market.

This article originally appeared on https://www.jackson.com/financialfreedomstudio/articles/2017/downsizing-in-retirement.html


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Allison Pearson currently serves as Vice President of the National Sales Desk for Jackson National Life Distributors LLC (JNLD). She is responsible for the Career Development Program, coordinating recruiting efforts and training and supporting the Sales Desk management team in strategic initiatives. Allison joined Jackson in 2002 as Director of Recruiting with Human Resources.

Three Ways to Fix Your Feedback

By: Raleigh Mayer

Some Like It Hot. No, not the summer--the Billy Wilder classic film comedy.

In the final scene, Joe E. Brown's character said it best: "Nobody's perfect". So if you have recently received a performance review or employee engagement survey results, there were likely recommendations--or directives--to develop in one or more of these categories:

Executive Presence

Team Development

Strategic Communication

While we would all prefer to be flawless, personally and professionally, candid assessment or critique can lead to critical change if we are open and intentional about receiving and applying reviews. Consider three things about any criticism:

Is it true?

Can I edit, adapt, or experiment with my behaviors?

Will change create new opportunities for me and my organization?

And, if the answer to any or all of the above is yes--Call me. Before things heat up.


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Known as the "Gravitas Guru", Mayer is currently a senior fellow at the Logos Institute for Crisis Management and executive leadership, a leadership lecturer at New York University and Barnard College, and on the leadership council of the Financial Women's Association. 

Comment

Raleigh Mayer

Raleigh Mayer, known as the “Gravitas Guru”, is an executive development consultant, coach, and speaker, specializing in presentation, communication, and leadership, including programs designed specifically for the career acceleration of female executives. Formerly a vice president and spokesperson for the New York City Marathon, Raleigh has coached and trained executive clients for more than a decade and serves a wide variety of Fortune 500 companies.  She is currently a senior fellow at the Logos Institute for Crisis Management and Executive Leadership, a leadership lecturer at New York University and Barnard College, and on the leadership council of the Financial Women’s Association.